What is Joey's Theory and what is its central idea?
Joey's Theory, also known as the Law of Behaviour, is a human paradigm shift proposed by Nina Fitzgerald. At its core, it posits that all behaviours are different levels of insecurity; love is the complete lack of it. This means that actions we typically perceive as negative, such as anger, jealousy, bullying, or depression, are expressions of underlying insecurity, stemming from a fear, whereas love represents the complete absence of fear and is the ultimate state of strength and security. The theory sees an individual’s level of security, not insecurity, as the true measure of social status.
How did the observation of a cockatoo named Joey contribute to the development of this theory?
Nina's observation of a cockatoo named Joey was a key catalyst. She noticed that Joey's behaviour, particularly biting, stemmed from fear and a constant need to feel safe. When Nina focused on providing Joey with a sense of security, he would relax and offer love in return. This realization was reinforced in a conversation with her colleague, Becky Jo Quinn. This insight led Nina to understand that many behaviours, including human behaviours, originate from different levels of fear or insecurity and that love and validation are the key to unlocking positive behaviour.
What is the "Ladder of Insecurity" and how does it illustrate Joey's Theory?
The "Ladder of Insecurity" is a conceptual scale that visualizes the spectrum of behaviours from most secure to least secure. At the lowest rung (1%) is altruism, where actions are motivated by making others feel secure. It is not entirely selfless as it makes the giver feel secure too. Ascending the ladder, we see ego (55%), jealousy (76%), anger (85%), and depression (90%). The highest rung (100%) is occupied by suicide, murder and war which are presented as the ultimate expressions of insecurity. This ladder shows how different levels of insecurity are the cause of various behaviours.
How does Joey's Theory redefine strength and success?
Traditionally, strength is often associated with power, control, assertiveness, and material success. Joey's Theory challenges this by defining strength as the ability to love deeply and unconditionally, stemming from inner security and resilience. The theory suggests the more love you give, the stronger you are, reversing the common Western cultural conditioning of giving as weakness. True success, according to this theory, is not about external validation but is measured by an individual's ability to love and their level of inner security. Ultimately love is defined as a “lack of all fear”.
What role does validation play in Joey's Theory, and how does it affect behaviour?
Validation is central to Joey's Theory. It's the idea that all people, animals and even the planet need to feel seen, loved, and accepted. By responding to insecure behaviour with empathy and love instead of offense or defence, we create a "safe zone" that reduces fear. This process allows the insecure individual to feel safer, thereby allowing for positive behavioural change. When someone is validated they are no longer driven by the insecurity.
How does Joey's Theory propose we should respond to insecure behaviour, and why?
Instead of responding to insecure behaviour with offense or defensiveness, which is a common approach in Western cultures, Joey’s Theory advocates responding with empathy and love. This approach, using phrases like “Are you ok?”, "I'm sorry you are upset, what can I do?", “How can I help?”, "What's up?", validates the other person's feelings and helps them feel safe. By not reinforcing the negative behaviour and instead creating a safe space, Joey's Theory promotes more secure, loving behaviour and ultimately leads to the extinction of the negative behaviour.
What are the key practical applications of Joey's Theory, and how can we integrate them into our lives?
Joey's Theory promotes several key applications: prioritising self-love and self-security through activities like nature connection, meditation, and mindfulness. Additionally, consciously giving love and kindness to others, practicing empathy, and trusting inner intuition are all core principles. The theory also suggests we should understand that most talk can be a form of DSV (desperately seeking validation) and be mindful of this. By recognizing that insecurity is behind many behaviours and making active choices to operate from love, individuals can contribute to a more secure and compassionate world. The cycle of love is to "receive love, share love, multiply love".
What is meant by "BINT" and "POINT", and how do they relate to Joey's Theory?
In the context of intergenerational trauma, Nina Fitzgerald uses the acronym BINT to refer to "break the intergenerational trauma" and POINT to refer to "pass on the intergenerational trauma". This is a critical part of Joey's Theory as it empowers us to stop the cycle of trauma by choosing to respond with empathy and love rather than passing on insecurity to subsequent generations. This highlights the power we have to shift our focus from reacting to trauma to actively creating security and healing through love.
Notebook LM 2025
